


Chicken Feed and Cigarette Butts

by Shoeless_Sam



Series: Wheel of Prompts [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Mike Hanlon Deserves Love, Mike Hanlon Deserves Nice Things, hiss, its romance if you squint, leroy Hanlon is iconic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25998415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shoeless_Sam/pseuds/Shoeless_Sam
Summary: Sometimes things work out just the way they're supposed to. Sometimes that way is getting wasted and hitched to the Draco Malfoy impersonator that stalks the street of your tiny town.---OR where me and my best friend thought it would be a fun idea if I made a random wheel of ships and tropes and had to do whatever it landed onthis one is HISS (Victor Criss and Mike Hanlon) and ACCIDENTAL MARRIAGE
Relationships: Victor Criss/Mike Hanlon
Series: Wheel of Prompts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832977
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Chicken Feed and Cigarette Butts

Mike awoke to a melodic rhythm of “shit” and “fuck”. And really, wasn’t that how everyone wanted to wake up?

The source of said noise was none other than Victor Criss stumbling around his room half dressed at what must have been 5 am. Which was weird to say the least.

“Mind filling me in about whether you’re breaking in or breaking out?” Mike asked and Victor stopped in his tracks.

The boy turned around and locked eyes with Mike. He had pants on-- _ thank god _ \-- but was holding one of Mike’s shirts in his hands and wasn’t wearing one of his.

“If you’re breaking in then we have different issues than you breaking out,” Mike forced a laugh to try and relax the situation.

He was terrified, naturally. He didn’t quite enjoy a member of the Bower’s gang in his room. But addressing how scared he was wouldn’t help either. However Victor had gotten in doesn’t matter now. Whatever Victor wants to do, he’ll do. Mike might as well stay calm and obedient.

And get some answers. Thinking back, he couldn’t remember much of last night. He remembers driving the Losers out of town. Sneaking into the bar… and that’s where his memories ended.

“I’m breaking out, I guess,” Victor finally answered, just above a whisper.

The answer sent Mike through a whirlwind of emotions. Fear being the most prevalent. But also confusion and embarrassment. He wasn’t sure what he was embarrassed about though and he wasn’t sure if that made this whole situation worse or better.

“How’d you get in in the first place?” Victor fiddled with the shirt in his hands which drew Mike’s attention to his hands. And a singular paper ring around one of Victor’s fingers. “What’s that?”

“I dunno… I just found it when I woke up.”

Obviously a lot more had happened than what Mike remembers. A lot  _ lot _ more.

“You have one too.”

Mike looked down at his own hand and was shocked to find a paper ring on his own finger. That was… probably going to get him killed.

“So Victor… are you going to like… tell people? Are they here?”

Victor must have gotten that the “they” meant Bowers gang and he shook his head fast. “No. I woke up here-- well there.” Victor pointed to the bed.

“Oh!”

Victor nodded in agreement and the conversation came to a lull.

Obviously Mike had gotten very wasted… or drugged. He didn’t want to go there but he didn’t exactly trust Victor.

The Losers. They would tell him what happened.

Mike took out his phone and kept one eye on Victor as he texted his friends.

**Mikey :** **_hey guys, do any of u know what happened last night? asking for a friend_ **

**Roachard :** **_is that friend a SPECIAL friend??? ;D_ **

**MIkey :** **_maybe can u just answer pls_ **

**Roachard :** **_no can do sir_ **

**Bevvy :** **_u went home with someone idk who i didnt see_ **

**Mikey :** **_i see someone is my friend. who else wants to prove their loyalty?_ **

**Bbbill :** **_i think u left with Victor Criss??? but maybe not_ **

**Roachard :** **_HOly shitttattttTTTTTTtt_ **

**Mikey :** **_and where did we go??_ **

**Bird Brain :** **_I think you told me you wanted to make things “official”?_ **

**Mikey :** **_shit_ **

“I think we got married,” Mike breathed out.

“Like… for real?” Mike would feel bad about how scared Victor looked, but he was just as scared.

“I think so… check your phone for photos maybe?” Vic nodded and took out his phone and Mike took the opportunity to do the same.

The first photo Mike found was of him and Victor in a… compromising position. Nothing horribly wrong but he would rather not have a photo of him and a member of the Bower’s gang making out.

“Fuck,” he heard Victor say from accross the room. He was pacing and it felt so out of character to Mike. But also endearing in a weird way. Like a reminder that he was human.

“What is it?”

Victor walked back over but still kept his distance. Which was more than understandable. Besides for the occasional beating from Henry and his gang, Mike and Victor never saw each other.

Victor tossed his phone over to Mike. He carefully took the phone and looked at the open screen.

The photo was less than perfect. It was blurry and had harsh lighting, but even that couldn’t distract from what it showed. Mike with his arms wrapped around Victor. Victor holding up a marriage certificate. An Elvis impersonator in the background.

_ Where the hell had they even gone? _

“So…” Mike wasn’t sure what to say to that. He really wished he could wake up from this awful, twisted nightmare. It just made no sense

“I am not gonna be fucking married--at 19 to Mike fucking Hanlon in Derry. No way!”

“We can get a divorce.”

“I don’t want that!! Because guess what, I don’t want to be in this situation!!!” At least Mike could cross off that this was a Bowers gang plan.

“Then you want to stay married?!”

“NO!” Victor screamed. Mike watched as Victor proceeded to walk closer to the wall and repeatedly slam his hands into said wall. He could hear how loud he was hitting. “I CAN’T DO THIS!! WE’RE BOTH GOING TO BE KILLED! IF ANYONE FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS--IF HENRY FINDS OUT--” Victor switched to punching the wall over and over again.

Mike didn’t know how to handle this. He could barely manage when Richie and Bill fought. Once Victor let out a pure scream loud enough to wake Mike’s grandfather, he knew he had to step in.

Mike slowly walked up behind Victor and wrapped his arms around him. “Dude. It will be okay. I promise.”

Victor calmed down enough to stop screaming but now he was shaking. Mike wasn’t quite sure it was an improvement. “What if he finds out?”

“... we just won’t let him find out. We won’t tell anyone, won’t wear these things--” Mike slipped both of the paper rings off and placed them on the dresser. “And after today we won’t ever talk… until you’re ready to get divorced that is.”

“Okay… and if Henry does find out somehow?”

“Then I’ll take the fall… now leave. Out the window. Unless you want to meet my grandpa today.”

“No thanks.” Victor walked over to Mike’s window and started climbing out before he stopped suddenly. “I need, like, a shirt or something.”

Mike grabbed a random green jacket he had sitting on a chair and handed that over.

And then the blonde boy left and Mike was prepared to not see him for a long, long time.

* * *

“What’s been up with you, boy?” His grandpa asked him a week after the…  _ incident.  _ He refused to call it anything other than that.

They had been enjoying dinner until his grandpa decided to ruin that. It wasn’t his fault of course. But Mike could tell what was coming. Even the losers had been questioning him.

“I don’t know what you mean, Gramps.” It was a complete lie, and he knew that his grandpa knew that. But it was still worth a shot.

“Bullshit. Tell me the truth.”

Mike pushed his pasta around trying to figure out what to say. He didn’t even know himself what was happening. He knew that Victor had been driving past the farm more and more. And of course Mike was thinking about the other boy… a lot.

“Well… I kind of met someone. In a way.” That was a good start.

“In what way?”

That’s where it got more complicated. Over the past week, Mike was able to put more of the pieces together.

“Please don’t get mad.”

“No promises,” his grandpa said. Which was more than fair.

“So… last weekend, Richie got the idea that we should try to sneak into a bar. And get drunk and stuff.” His grandpa nodded along. Not needing to remind Mike that he’s not allowed to do that. “But we got kicked out after like two hours.”

“For being underage?” Mike nodded. “How drunk had you gotten at that point?”

“... a lot, Gramps. I’m sorry.”

“You should be sorry. Did you have a sober driver?”

“Yeah, course. Ben didn’t want to drink.”

“That’s the first smart thing you’ve said so far.”

…  _ Ouch _ . “Thanks, Gramps… but so after that we walked around that city. And we saw some of the Bowers gang there.”

“Are those the kids that give you so much trouble?” Mike nodded again. “So you ran right?” Mike shook his head, not exactly trusting his words right now. “Why the hell not?”

“Henry--their leader--he wasn’t there.”

“So?”

“So Richie decided to talk to them. And you know… like make fun of them in a way.”

“Richie seems to be quite the trouble maker.” From an outside perspective, he understands why his grandpa thinks that. And in a way it was true.

“Richie just can’t keep quiet. Or stay still. But he only means well, I promise.”

“And what did his hero complex give him this time?”

Mike struggled to stifle his laugh as he answered. “He figured out that Belch and Victor were there to visit Belch’s girlfriend.”

“Some girl dates someone named Belch?”

“I know! I’m surprised too. But yeah. So we talked to them for a little while until Belch left to go to his girlfriend. Then it was just us… and Victor.” His grandpa continued to nod along. “And we were all drunk… we thought it would be funny to get married.”

Mike decided to leave out the part where they made out or where he had secretly wanted it. Even just a little bit.

“Ah.” His grandpa didn’t seem mad. But that didn’t mean he wasn't.

“Yeah… so surprise?!”

“Are you gonna get a divorce?” A little to the point, but the question made sense.

“Yeah. Just gotta figure that part out.”

“Good. She doesn’t seem like your type.”

“You’re very very right. Not my type at--wait. What?”

“Beverly.”  _ Oh. _ He should have expected that one.

Mike took a deep breath. “No, Gramps… I married Victor.”

Mike watched his grandpa closely. Studying his changing expression. At first it was just blank. Then it quickly changed to confusion. Then an emotion Mike couldn’t place.

“I don’t trust that boy.”

“I know. I don’t fully either.”

“Tell him to come here for dinner soon. Alone.”

* * *

Some would call it uncomfortable, if they were kind. Mike would call it the seventh circle of hell. And ironically that was him being kind.

A week and a half later, Mike was finally able to get Victor alone and get him to agree to dinner. Now he was regretting even doing that.

His grandpa looked like he wanted to kill Victor and Victor looked like he wanted to kill Mike. Mike just wanted to disappear from this situation.

“So Mikey tells me you and him got hitched, is that right?” Besides hellos that was the first thing anyone had really said.

“Yes sir,” Vic answered. Mike looked over and for the first time that night, realized Victor was wearing his jacket. That was… odd.

“And I assume you’re planning to divorce him. Is that right?”

“Well… yes. That’s what we agreed on.” Mike could feel how nervous Victor was. And maybe he felt a little bad.

“Actually Gramps,” Mike said softly. “It was my idea first.”

He nodded slowly and took a bite. He chewed it for a few minutes, locking eyes with Victor the whole time. “You know… our family has been in this town for generations. Worked on this farm for a long long time.”

“I-I didn’t know that… sir.” Mike had to hold back his laugh. He never expected to see Victor Criss be so formal.

“I’ve worked here my whole life. So has Mike.” Victor nods along. “But that has caused Mikey to be quite serious and focused. Not a bad thing… but he never breaks the rules.”

Mike couldn’t help but look confused. From a quick glance he could tell Victor was confused too.

“Until you. Apparently.”

“Well sir, it wasn’t really me exactly… it’s just how things happened. And I’m very sorry for that. He shouldn’t have done that and--”

“No son, I’m happy he did. He deserves a break every once and awhile.”

That… that was not what Mike had been expecting. Not in the slightest.

“You boys can do what you want. As immature as Mike can be, he’s a legal adult. But know, I wouldn’t mind if you hung around here. We can always use extra help.”

“I don’t have anything else to do… so I think I could make some time. To help out of course.”

Really, the world just wanted to torture him.

* * *

After that they fell into a safe and comfortable pattern. Surprising all of Mike’s predetermined outcomes.

On Monday, Friday, and Satrudays Victor would come to the farm to help out. He’d stay as long as he could and do anything Leroy Hanlon asked for. Victor always surprised Mike with his eagerness to help.

At first he and Mike kept their distance, but as the weeks passed they hung around each other more and more. Even getting along quite a bit. Mike called him Vic, only for convenience, and Vic called him Hercules. Vic had never outright said it, but Mike was smart enough to connect that it was to mock his strength. It was nice.

It was a Saturday when their safe pattern was broken.

Vic was wearing his typical baggy pants and one of Mike’s shirts after an accidental swim in the manure. And of course he was still wearing Mike’s green jacket he was “borrowing”. Mike was pretty sure the man had gotten away with highway robbery, but that wasn’t much of a concern to him.

What was concerning was his ever growing affection for the Draco Malfoy impersonator.

“I don’t get how they eat this crap!” said Draco exclaimed as he poured the chicken feed around.

Mike took a handful and dumped it on Vic’s head. “How do you eat the crap you do?”

Vic was quick to react by throwing feed back at Mike. “Doritos aren’t crap! You’re crap!!”

Mike laughed and threw more. Maybe, just maybe, it would work out.

**Author's Note:**

> this was gonna be a little longer but,,, I just couldn't find the motivation. rip to the half a page leftover
> 
> please leave more ideas for the ships and/or tropes for the wheels :)


End file.
